So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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