Only a mothe r could love this liver
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
