hotel room ftw
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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