just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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