allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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