We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
