Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
