I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
