Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
