I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
