You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
