Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
