Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
