Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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