Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
