Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
