Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
