allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
