Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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