my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
