im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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