I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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