I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
