Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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