you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
