Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
