When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
only if we run a train.
done.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize