return my video game
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
