Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
