i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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