ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
