I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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