someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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