when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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