Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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