he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
