quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
