I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
