Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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