If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
