I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
