a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Soap is not a condiment
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
