Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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