Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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