need another drink. this is the easiest way
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
