i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
