this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
