i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
