census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
