I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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