In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
