oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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