goodnight i made you a song goodbye
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
