i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My ass is underappreciated
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
