you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
