Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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