this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
