dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
