I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
