the day after is always just damage control
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
