yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
