Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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