Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
