My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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