dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize