What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
