please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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