i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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